A Call to the Vet


(Ferric, Limburger, Punkydoodle)

“Borden Animal Hospital, this is Tina. Can I help you?”
“Can I talk to Dr. Borden?”
“He’s with a patient at the moment, is there something that I can help you with?”
“Well my Punky has gas again…don‘t you Punky doo, don‘t you?”
“Ah, Mrs. Archer?”
“Yes, yes that’s me.”
“I thought so, how are you?”
“Well I’m fine dear, but I was hoping I could talk to the doctor or maybe I should just bring Punky in.”
“Oh now Mrs. Archer, you know I’ll just bet I can get him to come and talk to you.  Hold on now I’ll be right back.”

“Dr. Borden?”
“What is it Tina.”
“Mrs. Archer is on line one. Punky has gas again.”
“Tell her to quit giving him junk food and give him the dry kibble I suggested.”
“I’ll tell her but she wants to talk to you.”
“Okay, let me speak to her and then I’ll need your help in Room 3.”
“Yes doctor.”

“Mrs. Archer?”
“Hello Dr. Borden.”
“Hi Mrs. Archer, and how is……Punkydoodle doing today?”
“My husband made me call. He has terrible gas.”
“Your husband does?”
“No Punky does. Does he have an iron deficiency? I have a friend who was anemic. She has to take these pills and she has lots of gas too.”
“Mrs. Archer, I doubt the gaseous eruptions are ferric in nature. What does he eat?”
“Eat? Well last night we all had sandwiches, don’t you know, with a lovely ham and a nice wedge of Limburger cheese…”
“Well that’s the cause of the gas. We have talked about this before Mrs. Archer. A little bit is okay, but a lot of cheese can give him indigestion and cause gas.
“But he loves cheese.”
“Well it’s really not that good for him and I wouldn’t give him anymore if I were you. Not unless you have a really good gas mask anyways.”
“Thank you for that.”
“You’re welcome, Mrs. Archer.”
“I was being sarcastic, Dr. Borden.”
“I know, Mrs. Archer, that‘s okay. What does his stool look like?”
“He doesn’t have a stool. He just gets up on the couch.”
“No no when he goes to the bathroom. His stool.”
“Oh! Oh of course. Well last night it was pretty yucky. Made quite a mess in the kitchen, let me tell you.”
“It sounds as if your little Punkydoodle is lactose-intolerant. I don’t want you to give him anymore cheese at all.”
“Tac-lose polerant? What’s that?”
“Lactose-intolerant. It means that his little tummy can’t process the lactose in dairy products and it gives him a stomach ache.”
“I know what it means, I just didn’t hear you right!”
“Sorry Mrs. Archer. Give him dry dog food. It’s really the best thing for Punky.”
“But it’s so boring!”
“Dogs don’t get tired of the same old thing like we do, Mrs. Archer. He’ll be fine, I promise.”
“Well okay, I’ll try it. If you say.”
“I do, Mrs. Archer. Punky will thank you for it.”
“Oooh, my widdle punky wonky doo! Sit for your mama, sit! Oh, oh GEORGE! GEORGE COME HERE HE‘S DOING IT!”
“Mrs. Archer?”
“Oh, yes doctor.”
“No more people food. Agreed?”
“Okay, Dr. Borden, if you say so.”
“I do. Only dry dog food.”
“Okay doctor, thank you!”
“Bye Mrs. Archer.”

16 responses »

  1. It’s been a while since I paid you a visit Neeks. This was great! As an animal-lover, I found this hilarious! 😀

    Thanks for stopping by again Nisha, glad you liked it 🙂 I need to visit your blog too! I will remedy that this morning 🙂


  2. Very funny, gave me a good laugh!

    Ah thank you, I’m glad you liked it! Cool blog you have, by the way. This was my attempt at doing one of your prompts 🙂


  3. Pingback: Unexpected Visit to the Vet « Shannon Howell

  4. Just imagining the Limberger gas smell makes me shudder. Too funny! But it is true, dogs do beg for people food, but I haven’t had one stop eating dog food yet 🙂

    I know, right? My Yorkie will eat ANYTHING you put in front of him and still dance around like he hasn’t eaten in a year when we sit down to eat…lol


  5. FINALLY. I can sleep tonight. Life is good.

    It truly is one of the ‘coolest feelings’ to see what comes from three words.
    Three words which are not really random words on my part, but truly hold meaning in my life. From my perspective, the story diverged and took its own course -something new from something borrowed. Written with a gentle hand of one who uses words much the same as a babbling brook soothes and invites one into the experience.It is great story; funny and clever, which speaks volumes to your ability to just let it flow and take shape into that which is distinct from the last story you wrote, Not being a writer, writing shorts can not be easy. As one does not have the luxury of a battalion of words, phrases an whatever else a long story might have in it’s arsenal. Thank you Neeks I enjoedy it immensely.

    Elvira gives it 5 thousand outta of 5 thousand tail wags (that’s how fast that little sucker wiggles back forth when she is happy happy). And has crossed Limburger cheese of her bucket list of human foods to try (actually she doesn’t seem to want human food, but she does seem to get great enjoyment from just laying there an sniffing it, catching it in the air, savoring the aroma -hmmmm I wonder, naw that would be cruel).

    I don’t know what to say Hudson, thank you. Those are the nicest words I believe anyone has ever said about my attempts at writing. I think, you have no idea how eloquent you truly are. I’m so glad you liked the story.


  6. Haha! Great little story, Neeks. I could totally picture Mrs. Archer just by the voice throughout and the dialogue. AND I could smell the gas–not as enjoyable, mind you, but only means you did a great job here.

    Really funny!

    Thank you so much, exactly what I wanted to hear! Well, the first part….LOL


  7. Pingback: Write Dialogue or Pull Teeth? What to do, what to do… | Limebird Writers

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