Persnickety, Tribal, Melancholic
The characters in this story are fictional, as are the portrayals of any people, groups or chiefs. This is only a parody and no offense is intended or should be taken.
The elders sat around the fire, each of them squirming uncomfortably. The Chief had served dinner to the council earlier; it consisted mainly of meat and a starchy root sauce. It was winter and there weren’t a lot of plants around for them to eat; no fruits or berries for fiber. While it did smell wonderful (hence the large turnout for tonight’s meeting) it did tend to leave a fellow a little… bound up so to speak.
The Chief sent two braves and a squaw out to find some plants that the council could eat to relieve the internal pressure. It was cold outside and they were not happy. They weren’t gone for long before they began to pick at one another.
“What about that pine straw?” Wailing Trout asked Slinging Bear.
“No, we’ll get our hands all sticky with sap,” said Screaming Doe.
“Well aren’t we a persnickety little pappoose today,” said Wailing Trout.
“So says the brain sturgeon,” replied Screaming Doe.
“Alright!” Said Slinging Bear. “We’ll never get back to camp if you don’t stop bickering and start looking for plants!”
“He’s just mad because we smelt him a mile away.” Screaming Doe laughed. Wailing Trout started to come back with a zinger but Slinging Bear stopped him.
“Go. Over there and search. Go.”
“Okay okay, but she’s a…”
Wailing Trout stalked off. Screaming Doe was looking particularly melancholic.
“Oh now what?” Slinging Bear asked.
“It’s late winter, there are no plants,” said Screaming Doe, hanging her head despondently, “and we have to stay out here all night with that carp-y.”
“I heard that!” Wailing Trout yelled.
“E-nough! Do you hear me?” Slinging Bear put his foot down. “Here is what we are going to do. Screaming Doe, you get some lichen and wild garlic leaves and chop them up together. Wailing Trout – you can get me some maple sap. I’m going to find some soft leaves. After we gather what we need we have to start a fire.”
The items were easily found and Slinging Bear showed the others what he wanted them to do…
An hour later they marched back into camp and Slinging Bear stood before the Chief.
“As we searched the forest we came across a brave from a northern tribe. He said they have the most wonderful and effective cure for constipation. Using only ground herbs and a leaf; they have managed to make a suppository which will clear the tribal council …uh, I mean cure the tribal council.”
“Who was this brave?” Asked one of the elders, but Slinging Bear didn’t know.
“An herbal suppository? Does it really work?” The Chief asked.
Slinging Bear replied. “With fronds like these…who needs enemas!”