Bound and Determined


Persnickety, Tribal, Melancholic
The characters in this story are fictional, as are the portrayals of any people, groups or chiefs.  This is only a parody and no offense is intended or should be taken.  

The elders sat around the fire, each of them squirming uncomfortably.  The Chief had served dinner to the council earlier; it consisted mainly of meat and a starchy root sauce.  It was winter and there weren’t a lot of plants around for them to eat; no fruits or berries for fiber.  While it did smell wonderful (hence the large turnout for tonight’s meeting) it did tend to leave a fellow a little… bound up so to speak.

The Chief sent two  braves and a squaw out to find some plants that the council could eat to relieve the internal pressure.  It was cold outside and they were not happy.  They weren’t gone for long before they began to pick at one another.
“What about that pine straw?”  Wailing Trout asked Slinging Bear.
“No, we’ll get our hands all sticky with sap,” said Screaming Doe.
“Well aren’t we a persnickety little pappoose today,” said Wailing Trout.
“So says the brain sturgeon,” replied Screaming Doe.
“Alright!” Said Slinging Bear.  “We’ll never get back to camp if you don’t stop bickering and start looking for plants!”
“He’s just mad because we smelt him a mile away.” Screaming Doe laughed.  Wailing Trout started to come back with a zinger but Slinging Bear stopped him.
“Go.  Over there and search.  Go.”
“Okay okay, but she’s a…”
Wailing Trout stalked off.  Screaming Doe was looking particularly melancholic.
“Oh now what?” Slinging Bear asked.
“It’s late winter, there are no plants,”  said Screaming Doe, hanging her head despondently, “and we have to stay out here all night with that carp-y.”
“I heard that!”  Wailing Trout yelled.
“E-nough!  Do you hear me?” Slinging Bear put his foot down.  “Here is what we are going to do.  Screaming Doe, you get some lichen and wild garlic leaves and chop them up together.  Wailing Trout – you can get me some maple sap.  I’m going to find some soft leaves.  After we gather what we need we have to start a fire.”
The items were easily found and Slinging Bear showed the others what he wanted them to do…
An hour later they marched back into camp and Slinging Bear stood before the Chief.
“As we searched the forest we came across a brave from a northern tribe.  He said they have the most wonderful and effective cure for constipation.  Using only ground herbs and a leaf; they have managed to make a suppository which will clear the tribal council …uh, I mean cure the tribal council.”
“Who was this brave?”  Asked one of the elders, but Slinging Bear didn’t know.
“An herbal suppository?  Does it really work?” The Chief asked.
Slinging Bear replied.  “With fronds like these…who needs enemas!”

18 responses »

  1. I don’t know if you read the comic strip Pearls Before Swine but this is the kind of thing Stephan Pastis from time to time. A whole Sunday strip devoted to build up to the last panel that pays off with an intricately convoluted pun. I love it.

    Yours is every bit as intricate and clever as his. William Shakespeare would be envious.

    You are so very kind, I appreciate your comments. Thanks for stopping by today!


  2. I love a good pun; I go gaga over a great one. I went gaga over this story and the clever, clever pun at the end. Well done! 🙂

    Thank you good Lady GaGa! BAAahahahahahaa, gotcha!
    Now I’ll be very honest, I wanted to do a silly one with the words I had here, they tickled my funny bone. Originally it was going to be a threesome sent into the woods to fill in the tribe’s outhouse hole. They would then get into some trouble…but then I thought it would be funny if I put a pun at the end…so I looked up outhouse puns and came across one about a scientist in the south pacific and the natives who had the cure. I changed it to adapt to my characters and made a short story out of it.


    • Half the fun of doing something creative is about how you ‘got’ there or what you taught yourself along the way, Not sure what is better ‘the end’ or ‘the trip’ to get there. For me it’s the trip. ……….sorry for jumping in. Bows, curtsies and leaves

      I always enjoy hearing from you Hudson, and I agree, the trip is usually the fun part!


  3. Okay – how the hell did you EVER come up with the whole idea to begin with? You’ve done it again – and you’re forgiven the dreadful pun. Are there anything BUT dreadful puns?

    Oh now Tooty, this was a crappy pun I’ll admit, but I did have fun with it. In previous remarks I’ve told how I ended up where I did. 🙂


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