Johnny Goes to the Store


Johnny, Cash, Hurt

Well that is the last time I bring him to the store, I can tell you that.  Johnny acted like a monkey today, running up and down the aisles and screaming when I wouldn’t buy the cookies.  He decided that he wanted sugared cereal instead of the fiber one we usually get and when I said no, well you would’ve thought it was the end of times.  

People are giving me dirty looks, like can’t you do something?  Why don’t you get him up off the floor?  What’s the matter with you people?  All I can do is wait for him to finish.  I’m not going to drag him out of here.  I’ve never been into violence, so spanking is out of the question and there is certainly no reasoning with him when he’s like this.  How distressing, I don‘t know why I keep subjecting myself to it.  He does this kind of thing to me all the time.

For example, we went to the ocean this summer for vacation.  He stubbed his little toe in the dark hotel room and kept crying about it the whole trip saying how much it hurt.  I noticed he had no problem playing in the surf or running to the restaurant though.

He keeps taking cash out of my wallet and spending it on candy and comics.  I came home from work yesterday and he was sitting on the couch in his underwear watching cartoons, at three thirty in the afternoon.  In that moment it becomes crystal clear, that I most certainly am not ready to have children.  I mean, this is my husband and I can’t even handle him!  What would I ever do with kids?

(Just so you all  know, the first half is made up, the second half is not, lol)

5 responses »

  1. Laughing so hard! I didn’t see that coming. Thanks for the story. It will certainly take my mind off the song.

    I’m so glad you liked it! I saw the set of words and thought, no, I’m not doing a story about Johnny Cash, it’s too obvious. Then I remembered the jokes about the bad little boy ‘Johnny’ and it just clicked.


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